Yesterday was Valentine's Day and, while hubby and I usually go out to dinner and take a bit of "us" time, we spent the entire day running around and making arrangements with my mom for my dad's funeral this coming Tuesday.
One of the stops we made was to the local flower shop to order a few floral arrangements and such. When we got back into the car, hubby had a lovely single pink rose (love and friendship) on the front passengers seat ...
Though I am still struggling a lot with the guilt that I was the one who gave my dad his last liquid morphine dosage just before he passed on, I know that in my heart I had no choice and that this was the only way at that point which I could help him any longer. The nurses provided us with medication for both pain and to relax his respiratory system so that his heart rate could gradually slow down until he was finally at peace. This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and would not wish this very difficult responsibility on anyone. To be honest, I don't know where I found the strength to do this, I can only surmise that it came from my father ~ who was THE bravest man I have ever known.
I would also like to thank my dear friends in blogland (and the 67 Facebook friends and family) who took the time to offer their condolences and heartfelt dedications. Words can not express my sincere gratitude. Goddess bless you all!
Kim, three years ago my brothers and I had to wait and watch during the last hours of my mom's life. She was on comfort care with heavy doses of morphine. It was very very hard, so difficult. But her body was shutting down and there was nothing more that could be done. She had been in so much pain. It was agonizing, but she passed peacefully and we are forever grateful for that. Please don't attach any guilt to your father's passing. It was the best thing to do. Just focus on the love and memories, and let the rest go. Hugs, sweet sister.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Robin. I know you are absolutely right and I am extremely grateful for the time we were given, the memories and the blessing that he no longer had to suffer after so, so very many years!
DeleteHis presence will be forever with me and he as been and always will be a part of ME. We were so very much alike it isn't even funny. ;)
And thank you so much my sister for sharing with me. It is indeed a great comfort to know that my friends actually do understand what I am going through right now.
Hugs always,
Kim
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad and the struggle you find yourself in. Just like Robin said, don't attach any guilt to your dad's death. It was the best thing you could do for him at that time. He would have passed on either way. Guilt is a nasty intruder, I know it all too well. I refuse to let it into my heart any longer and I hope you can do the same. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteI found myself in a similar situation when my father was dying, and had to make a similar decision.
ReplyDeleteYes, had to make, because it wasn't for my comfort at that point... it was for his. Your father would never have made you suffer, and you didn't make him. This is an act of love Kim, and one you would feel grateful for if the situation were reversed.
Thank you, for your father, for loving him enough to do the hard (but right) thing.
I am so sorry Kim! So very sorry! That must have been so hard on you! Know that your father loves you and thanks you! He is hugging you tight! I love you my friend! Beautiful flower from your hubby ;o) oxoxxoxo
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