Praying for better days ...

While I seldom talk about certain aspects of my private life on my blogs or any other internet forum for that matter, (and trust me, this is a very rare post for me), I feel the need to share this here with you all today. I know that everyone has their own version of "family problems" - after all, that is part of life whether we like it or not. I learned a long time ago that there is no such thing as a perfect family and whether or not they choose to speak about it, be they little or big, I have no doubt that they have their own personal situations in which they must deal with on some level or other. My family is no different than any other in that way.

Sadly, there was one person missing from our family holidays this year for the first time ever. That person was my only sibling, my only brother who, in spite of numerous failed attempts by both our family and the authorities to get him the psychiatric help he so desperately needs, he has recently gotten arrested for his defiance of the law, refused to accept help from any type of local social service resources which were offered to him, and then decided to  pick up and move to Memphis, TN to live with a completely strange woman whom he met online and has six kids and is apparently, according to my brother, also going through a divorce. Now, add to this the fact that my brother has not had a job since he quit his right after my fathers' passing four years go and does not even own a car because he totaled the one he had.

The problem is the mental illness factor which runs in our family history. My grandmother (my mother's mother) was diagnosed with schizophrenia just after my mother was born. She was institutionalized until the day she died at aged 83 and neither my brother or I had ever even met her nor even saw her until the day of her funeral. My dad always said that he believed my brother was afflicted with this same mental disease because of his very strange and extreme behavior which became visibly noticeable in his mid to late twenties. He will be 49 years old at the end of this month. The past two years he insisted on living in his broken down car which was parked in my parents driveway, he chose to literally walk the streets all day and all hours of the night, he refused to bathe, brush his teeth or do any of the normal things which any sane person would do if they had a choice (which he indeed did as he "lived" with my mom and always had access to my mom's house any time he wished it). I could say more, but I am sure by now that you all get the idea. 

Without getting into any further details, I have my own reasons for believing that my father was right. In addition to the family history of mental illness, it is worth noting that my brother is not and has never been on drugs, nor does he like to drink alcohol! Anyone who has ever had to deal with any type of mental illness in their family, knows what a completely helpless feeling it is to have to stand by and watch your loved one changing drastically before your very own eyes - to know that there is little you can do to help them because: a) you can not force anyone to get help unless they actually want it, and b) in most cases it is usually part of the mental illness that they can not or do not even realize that they have a problem.

My brother and I on Christmas Day - 1981.

 Loving on my beloved Midnight

A pic taken of him playing in the orchestra for a local musical production of "Evita" in 1998. He is shown on the far right.

A pic taken the day I moved into my house in 2000. He is reading one of my astrology books. 

Joining my friends and I at a local bar and grill for karaoke night circa 1996 (my brother is the one in the middle).

Chilling with my cats Haley and Kiki

With my brother at Christmas Village in Bernville, PA

The very last pic I was able to find on his FB page which he recently took of himself at our local mall, shortly before he blocked me from his FB page (and his life). 

I love my brother and always will, I just miss the person we used to know. Here is some information which I found on the Mayo Clinic's website about schizophrenia. I do not pretend to know exactly what my brother's exact mental diagnosis is, but I DO know he is very ill and in need of some medical and/or psychological help! The following describes many of the behavioral symptoms someone with schizophrenia exhibits:

Schizophrenia

ABOUT

SYMPTOMS

TREATMENTS

Requires a medical diagnosis

Schizophrenia is characterized by thoughts or experiences that seem out of touch with reality, disorganized speech or behavior, and decreased participation in daily activities.

People may experience:

Behavioral: social isolation, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, compulsive behavior, excitability, hostility, repetitive movements, self-harm, or lack of restraint

Cognitive: thought disorder, delusion, amnesia, belief that an ordinary event has special and personal meaning, belief that thoughts aren't one's own, disorientation, memory loss, mental confusion, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority

Mood: anger, anxiety, apathy, feeling detached from self, general discontent, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, elevated mood, or inappropriate emotional response

Psychological: hallucination, paranoia, hearing voices, depression, fear, persecutory delusion, or religious delusion

Speech: circumstantial speech, incoherent speech, rapid and frenzied speaking, or speech disorder

Also common: fatigue, impaired motor coordination, or lack of emotional response

The most common early warning signs include:

• Depression, social withdrawal.
• Hostility or suspiciousness, extreme reaction to criticism.
• Deterioration of personal hygiene.
• Flat, expressionless gaze.
• Inability to cry or express joy or inappropriate laughter or crying.
• Oversleeping or insomnia; forgetful, unable to concentrate.

The disease can also affect families. Individuals with schizophrenia usually have difficulty keeping a job and caring for themselves. They must rely on family and friends for help. The disease is often misunderstood, but it is treatable, and in many cases, the individual can go on to lead a productive and normal life.

."Genetic inheritance is only one of the many factors (both biological and environmental) that contribute to the cause of schizophrenia. Moreover, research indicates that the inheritance of such a complex disorder likely involves a number of genes, some of which we may not know about yet."

(Schizophrenia.com - schizophrenia and children and offspring

schizophrenia.com/family/FAQoffspring.htm)

As difficult as it has been for us, I know that my mom and I will get through this because we still have each other - and we still have the hope that he will eventually get the help he needs and we will be able to see him again someday soon. We have to hold on to our faith - sometimes it is all we have to give us strength in this world. 

Thank you all for listening!